When people think of domestic abuse, they often think of physical violence. However, some of the most damaging forms of abuse leave no visible injuries. Coercive and controlling behaviour impacts a person’s confidence and autonomy. It is increasingly recognised by the courts as a serious form of domestic abuse.
Coercive control is commonly characterised as a pattern of behaviour which dominates, manipulates and controls another person. Often, the victim of this behaviour finds it hard to report as the individual acts may appear minor, but their cumulative effect can be devastating.
The family courts recognise that coercive control should be assessed by looking at the overall course of a relationship rather than focusing on isolated incidents.
It can be challenging to identify people who have been a victim of such abuse as they can often appear on the outside “fine”. However, inside their home they may be dealing with heavy restrictions to their personal freedoms or what is considered acceptable by their partner. If they do not adhere to the accepted restrictions on their life, then their partner will punish them with behaviour such as withdrawal of affection, criticism and intimidation. It is also common for victims to feel ashamed of the behaviour they are dealing with, which is another barrier to the abuse being made known.
Coercive control can take many forms. Some examples include:
- Constant criticism or belittling comments.
- Monitoring movements, friendships or communications.
- Demanding explanations for ordinary day-to-day decisions.
- Making a person feel responsible for the abuser's emotions.
- Gaslighting; where the victim is led to doubt their own memory or perception of events.
- Withholding affection, communication or intimacy as a form of punishment.
- Imposing different rules on the victim while exempting themselves from those same standards.
- Portraying the victim as unstable, unreasonable or unreliable to friends, family or professionals.
- The use of children as a tool of control by undermining the other parent's authority, involving children in adult disputes, using them to relay messages or threatening consequences in relation to contact arrangements.
The impact is often misunderstood because each individual incident may seem trivial, however, dealing with this day after day becomes overwhelming. Victims of this abuse often suffer their confidence being eroded and they can lose all sense of identity. This can make identifying the abuse even more challenging, as victims can seek to make themselves smaller to avoid further criticism.
If you believe you may be experiencing coercive control, the following steps may help:
- Trust your own experience: if you consistently feel controlled or afraid of your partner's reaction, it is important not to dismiss those feelings simply because there is no physical violence.
- Keep a record: where it is safe to do so, make notes of incidents, messages, emails or other behaviour that concerns you. Coercive control often emerges most clearly when a pattern is viewed over time.
- Speak to someone you trust: confiding in a trusted friend, family member, counsellor, GP or support organisation can help break the isolation that coercive control often creates.
- Seek specialist advice: family law solicitors can help you understand your options and access appropriate protection, which could include measures such as a Non-Molestation Order and/or an Occupation Order.
Coercive control is often described as a hidden form of abuse because it can be difficult for others to see. Yet its effects can be profound. The law now recognises that abuse is not limited to physical violence and that a sustained campaign of control and manipulation can be equally damaging. The key is to look beyond individual incidents and understand the wider pattern of behaviour and its impact on the victim's autonomy.
How we can help
We recognise the difficulties for victims in seeking help for themselves in situations such as these. If you are concerned about the behaviour of a partner and the impact it is having on you, seeking advice from a family lawyer could mean you are given the remedies needed to leave the situation. To contact our Family Law team, please click here.
The information on this site about legal matters is provided as a general guide only. Although we try to ensure that all of the information on this site is accurate and up to date, this cannot be guaranteed. The information on this site should not be relied upon or construed as constituting legal advice and Howes Percival LLP disclaims liability in relation to its use. You should seek appropriate legal advice before taking or refraining from taking any action.
