One common issue following a high conflict divorce is working out the arrangements for the children.
Deciding where children will live and how often they will spend time with each parent can be a difficult and emotionally fraught issue for parents to resolve. It is common to see emotions run high and communication between parents breaking down. This can lead to a disagreement which quickly escalates to a child arrangements dispute.
Family lawyers will try to encourage their clients to resolve child arrangements disagreements constructively and outside of court, if possible. Court proceedings for a child arrangements order can take a long time and cost parents a significant amount in legal fees and so an out of court resolution is beneficial for both parents. Ongoing parental conflict is also detrimental for a child’s wellbeing and so we will support parents with reaching an agreement outside of court, where possible, for the benefit of the family. It is also important to remember that the family court’s primary focus is the welfare of the child.
It is easy for disagreements to spiral and below are some common mistakes parents make during parental disputes about child arrangements and why avoiding them can help protect the child and promote a resolution.
- Using social media to criticise the other parent
It is becoming more common for clients to complain that their former partner has posted something unsavoury about them online. This could be criticism of their parenting skills or complaints about an incident that occurred between them and their former partner. Posting about a dispute online may feel like a good idea in the moment but we see that this can often make disagreements worse.
Court proceedings relating to child arrangements should be kept confidential and so there is a risk of breaching a court order if something is posted online. Even if there are no court proceedings, then comments about the other parent, screenshots of messages, allegations or indirect references to the dispute can be considered harassment or used as evidence in proceedings.
A better approach would be to keep online activity neutral and avoid discussing the proceedings publicly. It is better to assume that anything posted on social media could be seen by the other parent or disclosed in court and seen by a judge.
- Communicating poorly or reactively
When relationships break down, it is common for communication to become emotional and accusatory. We often see screenshots of messages which contain hostile language which deepens the conflict rather than resolves it. This distracts parents from addressing the issue of the best arrangements for their child. At worst, rude and aggressive messages could amount to harassment and require an injunction to protect a party from being on the receiving end of these messages.
A better approach would be to focus on clear and child-focused communication. This can prevent miscommunications and keep the welfare of the child at the fore. If it is not possible for parents to communicate directly together by way of text messages or telephone calls, then an effective alternative can be the use of parenting apps as this provides comfort that the communications cannot be deleted and can lead to communications being less inflammatory.
- Involving children in adult conflict
Family lawyers will too often see children being used as messengers between parents or children exposed to adult disagreements. This can be involving children in disputes about the arrangements, but also in other disputes to which children should not be made aware, such as disagreements about the financial arrangements between separating or divorcing couples and distressing details regarding domestic abuse allegations. These can all detrimentally affect a child’s wellbeing and may leave them feeling caught in the middle. Parents should not involve children in their disputes, and they should avoid making critical comments about the other parent to, or in front of, their child or making comments which will lead to one parent looking like the “bad guy”.
A better approach would be to ensure that all communication about these adult disputes, including the child arrangements, financial settlement or other issues, take place through other methods, either directly (if possible) or through the indirect methods discussed above. This will help to protect the child from being exposed to adult issues.
- Breach of a family court order
A child arrangements order is a legally binding document. It is important to follow the terms of the order and failing to do so without a reasonable excuse could lead to enforcement proceedings. Some examples of failing to follow the terms of a court order include refusing to allow the children to spend ordered time with the other parent, repeatedly cancelling arrangements, failing to return a child on time, or ignoring specific provisions in the order.
There is a risk that a breach of a family court order could lead to consequences, such as financial penalties, or in serious cases, imprisonment. If there is a risk of an order not being following because it is unworkable, or there has been a change of circumstances, then advice should be taken about the appropriate next steps, (which could be seeking a variation to the order) rather than simply failing to follow the terms of the order.
A better approach would be to ensure to follow the terms of any court order to avoid breaching the order. If it is not possible to comply with the order, then taking legal advice would be recommended.
- Losing sight of the child’s welfare
It is very easy for parents to focus on their own hurt feelings during a child arrangement dispute. However, the court’s main consideration is the welfare of the child. It is, therefore, important for parents not to be driven by a desire to punish the other parent or “win” the dispute. A better approach would be to aim to keep a child-focused and constructive mindset to reach a resolution that is in the best interest of the child.
Practical tips for parents in child arrangement disputes
- Keep communication polite and focused on the child.
- Avoid posting about the dispute or the other parent on social media.
- Do not involve the child in adult disagreements.
- Follow any court order unless there is a genuine safeguarding concern or other reasonable excuse.
- Seek early legal advice if arrangements are breaking down or if you are concerned about compliance with a court order.
How we can help
We recognise that every family is different and so every resolution will not look the same. In some cases, a resolution could be reached through a carefully drafted parenting plan or solicitor-led correspondence. In other cases, mediation may be a useful tool to allow parents to discuss their issues and concerns. In some cases, there may be no option but to make a court application for a child arrangements order, especially where there are safeguarding concerns or allegations of domestic abuse. We will tailor advice for your case.
If you are dealing with a child arrangements dispute, or unsure how to respond to high conflict communication, then taking early advice can help you understand your options, avoid mistakes and reach an early resolution.
The information on this site about legal matters is provided as a general guide only. Although we try to ensure that all of the information on this site is accurate and up to date, this cannot be guaranteed. The information on this site should not be relied upon or construed as constituting legal advice and Howes Percival LLP disclaims liability in relation to its use. You should seek appropriate legal advice before taking or refraining from taking any action.
